It’s a new world

Dear blog,

I decided to give you a ridiculously long name full of a lot of “p” words.  Why “p” you may ask?  Well, it starts both “public” and “policy” which are the two words that make up the name of the discipline I will soon be studying.  Other good words that start with “p” that I did not use include: picnic, post, pillory, puntilious, pugilistic, and plucky.

As you may have guessed, the creation of this new name signals other changes.  First of all, I’m going to try and write in you.  I know that sounds dirty, but I think it will be a good thing.  Second, since I am no longer campaigning, I am not going to be writing about the Obama campaign anymore.  Instead, I will try to focus on the experience of being a graduate student.  I will also be cross-posting wonky policy stuff with a blog run by students at the program I will be attending (the Goldman School of Public Policy at UC Berkeley, known hereafter as GSPP).  I may also be entertaining a request from a dear friend to include a serial novel.  However, I make no promises on that front; that may be beyond my powers at this time.

Love,

Felicity

the difficult part

I went to see a psychic today. She told me that I had three past lives, and in each life I was ripped away from my home (kidnapped or something similar) and in each case, I was never able to return. That is why, now, I am feeling so much grief and sadness even though my life is good. I have left home, and I don’t know if I’ll go back.

But: I left of my own free will, and I am going to do something exciting and worth doing. I am going to try, in whatever way I can, to help elect Barack Obama. And after that happens, then I can choose to go home (in the process healing my karmic debt!).

I’m not sure I believe the past lives part, but the process of leaving San Francisco has been harder than it should have been. There are many (more mundane) reasons: I fell and sprained my ankle moving out, I am confused and sad about a relationship I left behind, my car was stolen from the street where I was supposed to leave it safely parked for three months, etc. But these are all circumstantial, and I can deal with them.

The difficult part is the difficult part for all twenty-three year olds (at least in our culture of overabundant choices): I am in the process of figuring out what I want and what I need, and what the difference is between those two things. I want to be in San Francisco, in my old apartment, in my own comfy bed (ideally with my ex feeding me chocolates) but I don’t need that. I need to be proud of my president (or I need to find a new country of residence). I want to change, I want to stay the same. I need to let go, I need to hold on. I need to feel at home. I want to make home wherever I go. In short: I am confused and in my confusion I make decisions and sometimes I regret them more than I think I will.

Or maybe it really is about my past lives. Who knows?

This post this is just to say: I am here. I am going to New Jersey in a day and a half to see what I can do for the campaign there, or anywhere else anyone wants me. (If you are hiring for positions on the campaign: I am unemployed, and hardworking, and hopeful. Also, I do not go to see psychics on a regular basis.)

This blog may not be updated frequently. Depending on what I end up doing for the next few months, it will contain writing about some combination of: grassroots campaign work, current (political) events, writing, and my personal life and feelings. I will try to label appropriately.